The Third of the Terrible Trinity:  The Statue of Liberty

I love New York City…the architecture and the noise; the energy; the intersection of so many different kinds of people and cultures.  I love the theatre district and Central Park; I like the Hudson River and Soho; I love just wandering around China Town getting lost for hours in the maze of narrow streets and alleys.  And I have always loved the Statue of Liberty.  Since I first saw it at age 12 I have been mesmerized by its majestic presence at the southern tip of Manhattan. A gift from the French to the U.S. in celebration of our victory for independence from the British, it is the landmark I always look for as my plane is approaching La Guardia.  I’ve visited the Statue five or six times, and am proud to say that I have climbed to the top to look out through Lady Liberty’s crown.  And even though post 9-11 has put an end to visiting Liberty Island, I still like to take the ferry to Ellis Island just so I can cruise past her.

Despite my love for the Statue of Liberty I was completely ignorant that lurking somewhere out there in the world of “physical fitness for the insane,” there existed an exercise by the same name:  the Statue of Liberty.  It has quickly become one of my least favorite exercises and it comprises the third component of the “Terrible Trinity.”

Basically, the Statue of Liberty demands that you begin by holding a weight in your right arm ABOVE your head.  Apparently the “above your head” portion of this exercise is critical as Ryan screams, “Arms up! Arms up!” over and over as we struggle to maintain form and composure.  From the standing position you are to move to a sitting position.  Note:  there is no chair J  That would be too simple.  Nope, you have to go from a standing Statue of Liberty pose, (although I’m pretty sure her lamp weighs a lot less than the weight in my trembling right arm seems to weigh) to a sitting on the floor move…oh, and did I mention you need to keep the arm with the weight in it above your head (insert sound of Ryan screaming, “Keep your arm up over your head!  Keep that arm up!).  Then, with the weight STILL in your right arm you lay back and extend your arm, yep, that very one with that very weight, over your head.

Now, if the exercise ended here I might be able to endure it.  But no…you have to sit up from that “but I just got as comfortable as humanly possible here on the floor with a weight extended over my head," to a STANDING position once again…and guess what…YES…you keep the weight in your arm which is extended…you got it…ABOVE YOUR HEAD.  From that point you MOVE the weight from your right arm to the left arm and repeat the whole process, including the part about the WEIGHT ABOVE YOUR HEAD.  You do this over and over again until a) Ryan tells you to stop, b) you can’t move at all or c) your dead.

I pretty much have been scoring a consistent B on this exercise.  It hurts just about every muscle I possess.  I shouldn’t be surprised…it’s designed to use pretty much every muscle I possess!

The experts sing the praises of the Statue of Liberty as “complete” core exercise.   

These same experts agree that to have a strong core, you have to do strong core exercises.  It's not enough to just do ab crunches and sit ups.  Hmmm…that sucks…I don’t mind ab crunches and sit ups as much as I do the Statue of Liberty. 

Oh no…to build a strong core you need to exercise a variety of muscles from your hips to your shoulders. Most people think of the core as a nice six-pack, or strong, toned abs, but the truth is that the abdominal muscles are a very small part of the core. The core consists of many different muscles that stabilize the spine and pelvis, and run the entire length of the torso. Benefits of "Good Core Strength" include the following:

1.  Strong Core Muscles Make it Possible to Stand Upright and Move on Two Feet

Hmmm…prior to doing this particular core exercise I WAS ABLE to stand upright and move on two feet.  It’s after doing them that I seem to have the problem.  My immediate impulse after I drop the weight I’ve been holding ABOVE MY HEAD for at LEAST 5 minutes is to keel over at the waist and stagger towards my water bottle.

2. A Strong Core Distributes the Stresses of Weight-bearing

While that may be true, the core strengthening exercises  we do at NLXF CREATE stress for me; it’s stressful to have Ryan yelling at you to keep your weighted arm above your head when every fiber of your body wants to lower that very weight…onto his head!

3. A Strong Core Reduces Back Pain
Abdominals get all the credit for protecting the back when in fact, it is weak and unbalanced core muscles are linked to low back pain. Balanced core muscles help maintain appropriate posture and reduce strain on the spine, thereby reducing back pain.

Note that nothing in the above statement talks about the “new pain” the Statue of Liberty does generate in ones abs, glutes, quads, shoulders and arms (yep, the very ones holding the weight ABOVE your head.

4. A Strong Core Improves Athletic Performance
 All powerful movements originate from the center of the body out, and never from the limbs alone.

I don’t want to be powerful…I don’t want to be athletic…I just want to look good in my clothes AND be able to move my arms like a NORMAL person after I’m done working out, as opposed to a …oh I don’t know…stubby-armed Tyrannosaurus.

End Note:  You should be able to breathe evenly while doing the Statue of Liberty.  Good luck with that!

 

The Second of the Terrible Trinity:  The Gutbuster

Prior to my enrollment at NLXF I had never heard of a “gutbuster.”  I’d happily shopped at “Doorbuster” sales.  I’d enjoyed bargain fuel prices courtesy of “gas busters.”  But a “gut”-buster…well, our paths had never crossed.  Of course all that changed within a nanosecond of enrolling in the NLXF program.  And gutbusters are second only to burpees as my most loathed of exercises that we do at the gym.  And for that reason it holds the Number Two spot in the Terrible Trinity.

What exactly is a gutbuster?  Well, truth be told, the Gutbuster defies definition.  Really!  A google* search of the term “gutbuster” will not provide you with a Wikipedia description, a YouTube demonstration, or a succinct definition of this most favorite NLXF exercise.  What it will get you is thousands of hits describing ways to torment your body, elevate your metabolism, utilize an “ab” machine (of the same name I might add), or relegate your diet all in the pursuit of a finally toned core.  It will also produce a plethora of fitness challenges ranging from foot races, to uphill sprints, to triathlons, as well as pages and pages showcasing any number of epicurean delights guaranteed to stretch your stomach and cause heartburn for weeks!

Oh no…if you want to find out anything about that god-awful exercise Ryan fondly calls The Gutbuster, you must search for it by its real name:  The Squat Thrust Burpee. 

I knew it was a member of the Burpee family!  Will this insanity never cease!

Basically, the Gutbuster, a.k.a. The Squat Thrust Burpee, is a burpee WITHOUT the jump.  Whose idea was that!?!?  Let’s be real here…the JUMP is the EASIEST part of the whole damn thing.  I mean, c’mon, if you’re going to eliminate something from the regular burpee, how about…oh I don’t know…how about the catapulting of your body from a standing position to a belly flop?  Or what about that pesky plyometric move????  I think I could probably live without BOTH of those moves. But of course if you did that, then it would simply be a jump squat.  Or a push up plank.  Or foot fire into a push up.  And naturally, we do those as well!  I’m beginning to think that the Burpee is the seed that has spawned just about every exercise I really, really don’t like.

Anyway, I’m convinced that some person with too much sweat in their eyes, and too many exercise generated endorphins screaming through their body thought that eliminating the jump was THE essential element in creating THIS alternative to the burpee.

Sigh…a

 

And so we do them…lots!   And I suppose what annoys me most is that each and every time we do them I can’t help but feel that Ryan thinks he’s doing us a favor by “letting” us do gutbusters instead of burpees.

News flash Ryan:  the bigger favor would be to not have to do them at all!

Tomorrow starts week three of session nine.  I’m pretty sure that some gutbusters are in my immediate future…

 

*Note:  A google search of gutbuster WILL get you a direct link to my blog…you have no idea how that made my heart sing!

**Note:  see previous blog for description of other “fun” burpee variations.

The Terrible Trinity:  Burpees, Gutbusters and the Statue of Liberty

Okay…I know this won’t come as a shock to anyone reading this blog or any of my posts on the NLXF Facebook wall, but I really don’t like most of the exercises we do in class on Tuesday and Thursday, our “cardio and strength training” days.  But there are three that I really, really, especially, and completely dislike:  Burpees, Gutbusters and the Statue of Liberty.  I fondly refer to them as the “Terrible Trinity.”

Each of these exercises is designed to provide a complete body workout by working a multitude of muscle groups with each series of movements.  There is no other set of exercises we do at NLXF, with the possible exception of Bear Crawls, that so frustrates me, so torments me, so demoralizes me as these three.  They are hard.  They frequently defeat me.  And they always make me sore.  Individually, they remind me of how far I have yet to go on my fitness journey.  Collectively, well, let’s just say that they make a root canal look like a walk in the park.

Today we did FOUR MINUTES of burpees in a flurry of 30 second sets scattered throughout the workout.  To be honest, I was ecstatic after my first 30 second set…I did FIVE decent burpees.  True, they will never be as good as Nick’s or as fluid as Kristen’s but for me…well they were pretty darn decent.  I was so excited that I shared this happy news with both Creed and Ryan.  Creed gave me a BIG beautiful smile and a high five.  Ryan hit me with his signature chiseled glare and told me I should be doing at least eight.  Sigh…and he wonders why I like Creed way more better than him.

I feel that each of these exercises deserves further discussion and exploration.  In this installment I consider the Burpee.  Now…I know I’ve posted some of this material before but here’s the deal:

1. not everyone read last year’s post

2. we have lots of new people this session

3. I’m hoping that Jake Lewis will finally realize that I already know LOTS about Burpees and he will cease posting information about them on my Facebook wall and instead, send me love notes…I don’t think it’s fair Erin Hinton is getting all the love.

 

So…here we go:  My tribute to the Burpee.

Prior to my enrollment in NLXF I was a Burpee Virgin.  Somehow, I had managed to live more than 50 years in pure ignorance of their existence.  I sure as hell had never done one.  And I’m pretty sure I could have happily lived another 50 years blissfully unaware of them.

Sadly, all of that changed in October 2011.   I distinctly remember the exact moment Burpees entered my life.  It was week three of my first NLXF session.  Ryan announced near the end of a Thursday class that we would do Burpees.  And by the way, he doesn’t just say the word Burpees…he ROARS the word Burpees, making the U-R sound resonate like the engine of a small aircraft taking flight.  Then he demonstrated one.   You can imagine the look of shock on my face as I watched this exercise unfold before me.  I looked around.  Surely this was some kind of cruel hoax and in a minute everyone would start laughing and tell Ryan that was a pretty good trick.  But no one did.  Everyone just started flopping to the floor and then pushing themselves up to a jump, repeating the entire process over and over again. 

So I jumped in, too.  I had no problem hitting the floor; that was the easy part.  It was the getting back up just using my arms and toes and then leaping up again that created the all the problems.  By the time I was done my knees were bruised, my arms hurt and I HATED Ryan; I didn’t talk to him for two days.

What are they, you may ask?  Well first, a bit of history.  The exercise was named in the 1930s for American physiologist Royal H. Burpee who developed the Burpee Exercise as part of his PhD thesis as a “quick and simple way to assess agility, coordination and strength.”  Royal’s “invention” required simply that the exerciser move a “large load over a long distance in a short amount of time.”

A CURSE ON YOU AND ALL YOUR OFFSPRING DR. BURPEE!

Of course the true irony is that Dr. Burpees research didn’t remain obscure like 90% of that carried on by most academician annually, my own included. The US military LOVED The Burpee and immediately adopted it as a way to assess the fitness level of recruits during WWII. And then atheletic teams adopted it as well.  I don’t care if Navy Seals and the Green Bay Packers do them; I Hate Burpees (although I LOVE watching Clay Matthews [insert big swoon and sigh] do them before a game J).

For the unenlightened, a Burpee is pretty much the most work you can do just using your body for resistance.  It begins from a standing position. From there you simply prepare to die.  You move to a squat and then fling your full body weight all the way to the floor by way of a single quick plyometric move in order to assume a plank position.  From there, in yet another one quick plyometric motion I might add, you return to momentarily to the squat position and from there you “jump up” in order to move your entire body weight off the ground before landing in an upright standing position, eager to begin this sequence from hell once again.

A PLYOMETRIC MOVE!  Just bite me!

I can do the start from a standing positon but from that point on, the entire process becomes a cluster of painful disasters.  Trust me, the only quick motion I’m good at is inserting and withdrawing my Visa card into the ATM machine.  And of course it doesn’t help my process at all to have Ryan hovering over me from start to finish yelling “get lower,” “faster”, or “jump higher.”

Burpees continue to haunt me at NLXF since my first encounter with them four months ago.  I continue to hate them and every single permutation of them that Ryan brings to the NLXF workouts including but not limited to:  the Squatting Burpee, the “Burpee Pushup,” the “Baby” Burpee, the Burpee in our kickboxing gloves while our partner “works the bag,” and my most recent nemesis, the Pyramid Burpee.  I am HIGHLY ANNOYED that Burpees are infiltrating additional workout days.  It used to be that Thursdays were Burpee days.  Not anymore…we do them on Tuesdays…we’ve done them on Wednesdays.  Is nothing is sacred anymore!

Sadly, a recent internet search reveals that there are NUMEROUS variations on The Burpee including these sick and disgusting permutations:

The Jump-over Burpee

The athlete jumps over an obstacle between burpees.

The One-Armed Burpee

The athlete uses only one arm for the whole exercise.

The Parkour burpee

Following one burpee on the ground, the athlete jumps upon a table and performs the second burpee on the table, then jumps back to the initial position. (I’m sorry, but clearly alcohol consumption must be a factor with this one!)

And finally, the Chirpee Burpee

Combine a pull-up from a bar extended from the ceiling with the jump.

I’m guessing that until I see tables and pull up bars in the gym, I’m safe for a little longer!

 

 

 

 

 

No Exerciser Left Behind

Last week Friday we did the NLXF “Fitness Test.”  This test consists of five exercise stations:  The Burpee station (5 burpees); the Sit-up Station (15 crunches); the Push-up Station (10 push ups); the Squat Station (20 squats); The Cardio Station (boxes, ladders and hurdles…three times through leading once with your left leg, then your right leg and then forward.)  There is also the “Catch Your Breath” station, the “I Need a Drink of Water Really Bad” Station and the “I Think…Wait…I KNOW I’m Going to Throw Up” Station, but apparently those are optional.  I exercised ALL the options!

You do eight circuits which means you “visit” each station 8 times. Yep…EIGHT TIMES!  Of course all of this was preceded by a warm up that consisted of no less than 60 squats, 45 crunches and 30 push-ups.  Sigh…I remember when that would have been my entire workout…for the week!

The whole nasty thing was designed by Ryan.  Frankly, I blame ALL the trainers EXCEPT for (oh joy, oh swoon) Creed.  I ESPECIALLY blame SCHULTE for this new form of hell we now experience each session.  I also suspect Scratch Cupcakes were involved.  I mean, can’t you see it…a bunch of bored and slightly sugar-coma buzzed well toned men sitting around a table.*(see below) Suddenly one of them, probably Eric says, “Wouldn’t it be funny to make everybody do all the exercises that Gretta hates over and over again!”  “Yeah,” Sully would add, “and then time them to see how long it would take them to finish?”  “Oh my God,” Eric would exclaim.  “That would be hysterical.”  “Yes,” Sharpe would chime in, “like Marine boot camp but without the uniforms and short hair.”

I can imagine Ryan, reaching for his eighth cupcake, listening to this discussion, and then smiling that Grinchy smile of his and thinking “This is a very good idea!”  And so Ryan created the fitness test. Since that fateful evening, like lambs to slaughter, we come to class on the first Friday and final Thursday of every session knowing we will do it.  It’s amazing any of us show up at all.

Ryan insists that it is a way for all of us to determine our fitness progress, another “tool in the tool box” along with our beginning and ending measurements and weigh ins. Personally, I think it is just a way for him to play out his fantasy of being a military drill sergeant.  Bottom line, I don’t like the test, not one little bit.  And there are TWO BIG reasons why.

One:  It brings back every bad and horrible memory from every bad and horrible gym class moment I experienced in my impressionable youth.

Ryan began the test on Friday by reminding us that this wasn’t the third grade mile.  The hell it’s not!   It is exactly the third grade mile, the fourth grade chin up bar test, the fifth grade sit up contest and the sixth grade 600 yard dash all rolled into one. **(see below)   The challenge to test myself physically in a timed environment generates a mental re-run of  every fitness nightmare I endured as the “fat kid” in gym class.  It triggers all of the anxiety, embarrassment, teasing, and jokes I endured in every single gym class I had to take as part of my K-12 education.  Sadly, my complete failure at fitness tests of the past  still haunt me today, no matter how much I tell myself otherwise, and no matter how much the other members of my class cheer me on until I finish.

Two:  I have no ownership in the test.

I am an educator so I know a thing or two about assessment.  Bottom line, you assess  what YOU, the teacher VALUE.  Problems arise when what the teacher values and what the student values don’t match.

Hello!  News Flash!  Ryan and I have a problem!  We don’t match!  We don’t even come close!

Ryan values burpees, squats, high knees, hurdles and push-ups from your toes.  I value things like my ability to hunt down a sale pair of fabulous Italian leather heels in 20 minutes or less at any mall in the nation.  I value my ability to find the coffee kiosk within minutes of getting off the airplane in any airport around the globe.  I value men who take me to Paris for the weekend.  (Sadly, the latter has NEVER happened.) 

Additionally, the test that Ryan insists I take at the start and end of each session does not include ANY of MY ideas, nor does it reflect any of the fitness benchmarks and skills that I value.  If I was designing a NLXF test just for me, it would include the following:

1. Volume and frequency of audible cursing during class

Test:  count the number of audible curses during week one; compare to number of audible curses week 10.  If you see a reduction in the week ten numbers, I’m getting more fit! 

2. Amount of time it takes me to locate Creed anywhere in the gym

Test:  count the amount of time it takes me to locate Creed during any exercise week one; compare to amount of time it takes during week 10.  If you see a reduction in the week 10 numbers I’ve mastered the art of doing the exercise while looking for Creed. And to multi-task like that…well it only stands to reason I am more fit!

3. Number of water breaks I request compared to number of water breaks I demand, compared to number of water breaks actually granted by Ryan

Count each of the above during week one; compare to counts week 10.  If the number of water breaks I’m whining about match the number allowed by Ryan, I’m more fit!

4. Number of times I leave to throw up during class

Test:  count the number of times I leave class week one; compare to number of times I leave class for same reason week 10.  If you see a reduction in the week 10 numbers, I’m more fit!

Sadly, I don’t think my version of the fitness test is going to replace the one that Ryan has designed.  I’ll just have to suck it up, challenge myself to let go of the negative childhood memories that haunt me, and do my best.

After all, I don’t want to be the exerciser left behind.

End Note:  I completed the fitness test to the absolute best of my ability including HIGH KNEES through the ladders.  I managed to shave a bit more time off my end of session eight total.  In fact, I did so remarkably well for me, that Creed (Oh Joy Oh Swoon) gave me a post-test hug.  Now that’s the kind of measure I can handle.  I’m going for TWO hugs at the end of the week ten test J

*Note:  NLXF does employ female trainers but NONE of them would have gone along with this. Right Danielle!?!?!?

**Note: Actually, I did set the school record for the 600 yard dash as a sixth grader…a record that lasted until the next 6^th grade class came onto the playground that afternoon and ran the same dash but STILL it was and remains my ONLY fitness moment of glory.  And the only reason I ran fast at all was because Terrence Bannon threatened to punch me in the stomach every time he lapped me.  I was scared shitless of Terrence Bannon.  There was no way I was going to let him hurt me. 

I Get By with A Little Help From My Friends

Sarah is my bag partner.  Actually, she’s more than that.  She’s my work out partner.  Sarah and I have been workout partners for two sessions; this week marks our third 10 week “do or die trying” partnership.

Five mornings a week Sarah is either next to me in the front row or at the bag ready to push me, prod me, challenge me, and cheer me on.  She’s also there to laugh with me…and occasionally at me J  She is one of the ten reasons (Creed being the other 9 J) that I keep coming back each day, each week, each session.  I can’t let Sarah down.  I need to show up.  I am her support person.  She is mine.  More importantly, if I don’t come to class…well, let’s just say she’d be more than happy to rip me a new one!

Sarah thanks me almost daily for pushing her through each and every workout.  I have pointed out to her that given a choice between doing 2 minutes of burpees myself OR cheering her on as SHE does 2 minutes of burpees, that I will pick the “cheer Sarah on” option every single time.  I’ve tried to explain to her that being bossy, demanding, and rude comes naturally to me.  I have told her repeatedly that I have a natural tendency to yell, shriek and verbally abuse others, especially when I am unhappy, sore, frustrated or sweating.  But I don’t think she believes me, and as I’m currently “between boyfriends” it’s nice to be able to share these gifts with someone.

I don’t really recall exactly how Sarah and I became workout buds, but we have.  I feel honored that she wants to work out with me.  And what makes it especially special for me is, well frankly, Sarah could have ANYBODY as her work out partner.  I mean…she’s good.  And she’s young!  I know I am at least twice her age!  Old enough for sure to be her mother and in some cultures probably her grandmother.  I tell her all the time she should find a partner closer to her age and ability but she just laughs and says "no."  Sometimes I think she keeps me around for comic relief! 

Sarah is the one who laughs at my “air kicks” (that awkward moment when I go to throw a right roundhouse and somehow manage to completely miss the bag with my foot), smiles,  and then tells me to "try again."  She empathizes with my burpee frustration.  She makes sympathetic cooing sounds whenever Ryan yells at me or blows the whistle in my ear.  She laughs at my constant stream of commentary on what we are doing.  Sarah is the one I know I can exchange a “WTF? Look” with and not have to worry that she doesn’t agree with me.  Sarah seems unfazed by my grunts, groans, mutterings and occasional use of profanity during workouts.  Okay…I’m lying just a bit there…my FREQUENT use of profanity during workouts!

Sarah almost always gets a mat for me.  She helps me with my kickboxing.  She tells me all the time I can “do it” and to try “just one more.”   Tomorrow we will most likely do a “circuit fitness test.”  Sarah will complete hers in about oh…14 minutes.  And then she’ll follow me around as I work to finish mine in less than 30.  She’ll dash with me from station to station.  She’ll do burpees with me.  She’ll count my squats…she’ll chase my butt through the ladders, across the steps and over the hurdles.  She will see my success as her success.  And I will see my success…as a both a miracle and the result of Sarah’s relentless support!

And that’s the great thing about NLXF.  All of us either have a “Sarah” in our class or are the "Sarah" for someone in our class.  If you are new to NLXF, you will experience both of these great gifts soon.  Because if your experience is anything like mine has been and continues to be, you find that everyone is willing to support one another.  Everyone is willing to give just a bit more, especially if it means that it will help someone else do one more rep, pick themselves off the matt and try again, push themselves to go just a bit longer, a bit stronger, a bit harder.  I wish more places in my life had a Sarah.

Oh…and Sarah…I’m shooting for 28 minutes tomorrow J

Fear Factor

A new 10 week session began at Next Level today.  And this first day had everything you would expect:  the buzz of excitement; friendly hellos as session-mates greeted each other warmly following what had been a four week break; lots of activity and movement as people warmed up, changed into their workout gear, wrapped their hands (it was a kickboxing day), had “before” photos and measurements taken.

The room was charged with energy…and FEAR!

True, it wasn’t necessarily “wet your pants horror film Jesus take me now I think I’m gonna die fear,” but it was fear, real fear, all the same! 

There was a hint of fear among some of the returning faithful like myself.  Our fear had more to do with how much things were going to hurt and concerns about how our bodies might respond to the workout after a four week hiatus.  Not to mention the overdose of carbs, sugar and fats that most of us probably enjoyed in our respective “Last Supper Before We Hit the Gym” feasts from the night before.

But the REAL fear was among the new members; those who were trying it for the first time.  I could see it in their eyes; the way they nervously twitched as they waited for our class to be invited into the gym; in the “deer and headlight” looks they exhibited as they watched in horrid fascination at what the class preceding ours was doing.  And frankly, the guy who came out of the gym and threw up all over the rug in the waiting area didn’t help ease their panic!

And my heart felt more than just a twinge of compassion for each and every one of them as I watched them twitch, stare, swallow hard, and laugh nervously.  Because it wasn’t that long ago that I was one of them.  And to a certain degree, I still am.

I joined NLXF in September of 2011.  Actually it was September 25….at 6:29 a.m.  I got to the gym at least 20 minutes before my session was to start.  NLXF was in a different location at that time and there was no “holding area.”  People just pretty much waited in their cars until they saw the class before them start to walk out, (or limp, or crawl), depending on what Ryan had made them do that day.

I can distinctly remember sitting in my car, scared out of my mind.  I had the standard fears:  could I make it through the whole hour?  Would I pass out?  Would I throw up on the person next to me? Would I be the oldest?  The weakest?  The most out of shape-est?  Was I wearing the right thing?

And then there were the not so standard fears…would I be able to get my left kickboxing glove on if my right hand already had a glove on?  Did I eat enough before the workout quickly followed by did I eat too much?  Would we get a water break?  Had I remembered to include an emergency contact on my registration form?  What about my blood type?  Would I know anyone?  (Please God…no former boyfriends OR bartenders from any of my favorite places…)  Would any of my current or former students be in the class? (This fear generates from a time when I went to have my yearly mammogram, only to discover that the x-ray technician had “had me in class.”  As you can imagine, that was a ‘special moment’, especially for me J) 

By the time I walked into the gym for the start of my very first class I had managed to work myself into a full blown panic attack.  My “resting” heart rate was probably hovering somewhere around 160 and we hadn’t even started the warm up…and by the time that was done I was completely drenched in sweat.

But as the class went on I began to relax. With each stretch, squat, jab and kick I began to realize that I didn’t have to be afraid.  First of all, no one was even paying attention to me; everyone was so focused on their own efforts that no one had time to even think about whether that old lady in the third row far end had done one or 21 pushups.  And second of all, I felt like they were all silently rooting for me.  There was such a sense of community; of family.  Sort of like working out with my sisters except without the cursing, eye rolling, and sarcasm.

Everyone was more than willing to give a shout of encouragement, invite you to partner with them at the bag, or to help you with your form.  Don’t get me wrong; people were competitive but only with themselves.  As individuals, they were driven and intense.  But collectively, they were passionate and supportive.  There was this amazing spirit of camaraderie which only grew as the days and weeks went on. 

And it continues…the camaraderie…the support…the sense of community.  Since that first day I’ve made incredible “from my gym class” friends…one older than me (Roger J) and the rest significantly younger.  And it is this connection to the people who show up to do the work that keeps me motivated to return day after painful day.

So to all you new people…hang in there.  You will get stronger; you will get fitter; you will get better; you will meet fabulous people. 

I just wish I could tell you you’ll be less sore but you won’t.  You’ll just find better pain meds J

Post Its To Ryan

Post It Notes I'd LOVE to leave around the NLXF Gym for Ryan

□ Where the hell is the bear crawling and what does she find when she gets there…if you want me to walk on my hands with my ass in the air I need some incentive!

 

□ If you want me to bend down and kiss your ass, then I suggest you STOP having me do 400 squats during class.

 

□When I want you to squat down and get in my face while I’m doing push-ups

I'll tell you!

 

Monday is the New Thursday

Forty is the New Thirty!
Strong is the New Sexy!
And apparently Monday is the New Thursday.

For as long as I can remember, Thursday has been “Burpee Day” at NLXF.  And believe me, when it comes to burpees, my memory is more than accurate.  Thursday is when we do burpees.  Thursday is “Burpee Day.”

So you can imagine my complete shock when at 6:37 a.m. on a MONDAY Ryan informed us that we would be starting a 2 minute cardio set with burpees.

BURPEES???  ON A MONDAY???  WTF??????

To say that I was pissed off would be an understatement.  Everyone knows that on Mondays we do a moderate warm up followed by a bit of cardio.  The cardio typically focuses on the muscles and moves needed for jabs, hooks or roundhouses.  If Ryan’s feeling particularly cranky we might do some ab work.  But mostly we kick box.  We work on our form.  Ryan goes crazy because none of us shift our weight, use our toes, turn our hips, or snap our leg.  He goes especially crazy because after 22 weeks I still don’t adequately shift my weight, use my toes, turn my hips, or snap my leg.  And Mondays NEVER include burpees.

Until today.

Now, I could have spent the remaining 53 minutes of class pondering WHY Ryan decided to include burpees on a Monday, but that would have been a total waste of time.  After 22+ weeks of NLXF I have to admit defeat on any or all attempts to get inside HIS head.  I’ve tried.  And I’ve failed miserably.  Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of Ryan.  Not only is he able to get inside MY head, he’s been living in there so long I should charge him rent.  But that is a subject for a future blog J

What I did ponder as I got onto the floor in a push up position, pushed myself to a squat in one lovely plyometric move, jumped high in the air, returned to the squat and then reversed the plyometric move back into the push up position (sucking air all the while I might add), was WHY I was so annoyed that we were doing burpees on a Monday.  You see, it wasn’t so much the fact we were doing burpees that annoyed me…they are a fact of NLXF life…it was the fact we were doing them on a Monday.

And then it hit me…Ryan had CHANGED the routine.  Suddenly I went from being supremely pissed off to embarrassed.  Wasn’t I scheduled to teach a workshop on adapting to change at 11:00 that very morning? 

For the past two years I’ve been teaching workshops for students, business people and educators on strategies for adapting to change in their respective work and study environments.  My message is always the same; to be successful in the 21^st century you have to be open to change, flexible in your approach to change, responsive to change, and most of all, USE change to move forward.  In my workshops I stress the importance of developing the adaptability skills needed to handle change:  how to take risks, stay focused, remain spontaneous and accept the ideas of others.  And here I was doing everything BUT that.  I was blocking, resisting, stalling, negating and most of all, pouting. 

I hate it when I pout!  I’m a whiner, not a pouter J

I know it sounds crazy but all of this went through my head during the first 20 seconds of burpee work.  During the second 20 seconds of burpee work it occurred to me that burpees on a Monday were a perfect way for me to practice my agent of change lessons.  I could use those darn burpee sets as a way to move forward, challenge myself and elevate my fitness goals OR I could resist the whole idea of burpees on a Monday and choose to make that resistance the focus of my workout.

I sighed and moved forward.  Not because I’m the patron saint of workouts, but because that is what NLXF has taught me.  It’s not about perfection, it’s about persistence.  It’s not about settling, it’s about setting.  It’s not about giving up, it’s about giving in.  And truth be told, I did some of the finest sets of burpees I’ve ever done in my life!

 

So thanks Ryan, for changing things up, for pushing me forward, for making Monday the new Thursday.  Now if you could just get out of my head… J

 

I'm a Whiner Not a Quitter...Unless of Course I'm Moaning and Groaning

Okay, I admit it.  I’m not the quietest person on the planet.  In fact, I can be pretty darn loud.  I don’t try to be noisy, it just happens.  Some of it has to do with being in the theatre.  I mean, let’s face it…a good part of what I do for a living deals with teaching people to express themselves.  It’s sort of the whole point of being dramatic, you SHARE the drama.

And much of my being loud has to do with the fact I can’t hear.  For all sorts of reasons…childhood illness, a really nasty viral infection in my late 20’s, too many shots of tequila with Eddie Van Halen, whatever, I have nerve damage in both ears.  Without my hearing aide I can hear about 40% of what goes on in the world around me.  With my hearing aide in I’m probably good for about 75%.  And most of the time I’m completely unaware as to how loud I might be talking, laughing, whining, sighing, moaning and groaning.   

We recently started a new session at NLXF.  I signed up for another 10 weeks.  (I know…I can’t believe it either and this ongoing disbelief will probably become the subject of a post later on this spring.)   

Now, the 6:30 a.m. regulars not only know that I grunt and groan and moan and holler during workouts, they’ve gotten used to it.  Sometimes they join in.  I know for a fact that Lisa Roussell growls as she is working out.  I’ve heard her.  The first time it happened was during a gauntlet.  I was in front of her and suddenly I heard this growling.  My first thought was that I was being chased by wolves.  Turned around and it was just Lisa!  And Lynn Day grunts…I’ve heard her, too.  True, she doesn’t grunt as loud or as often as I do, but she does grunt.   

As for other class regulars, well,  sometimes they laugh at me, or at the very least, smile in amusement, as I audibly emote frustration, incredulity, shock or just plain effort as I move through the sequence of body numbing tasks Ryan has assembled that day. And I’m equally sure many just try to ignore me.

But it has been brought to my attention that the “newbies” were freaking out just a little bit this week by all of the grunts, snorts, sighs and wails coming from the “old lady” in the front row.   One of the newbies was convinced I was dying.

First of all, let me assure all of you, newcomers and veterans alike, I am NOT dying.  While it is true that any given workout on any given day may be generating a near death experience, trust me, if the workout is in fact going to kill me my last words will NOT BE uff,  arghf, or AHHHH!  They will be more along the lines of “A curse on you and all your offspring Ryan Downs I’ll see you in hell thank you very much!”

No, I don’t moan and groan and wail and gnash my teeth because I’m giving up or giving in.  I do it so that I can get through it.  Think of it as verbally pushing my body through that 22^nd pulsing squat or 45^th lunge or 87^th backhand or 15^th right roundhouse or 25^th gut buster.  I may be a whiner but I am not a quitter.

So, for those of you new to NLXF or who find this kind of personal information fascinating, here are:

The Top Ten Reasons Why I Moan, Groan, Wail, Gnash, Sigh, Whimper, Grunt, Holler or Gasp During NLXF Workouts. 

10.   It’s rude to swear that much in an hour.
  9.       Ryan has replaced all of the 5 lb weights I’ve carefully selected with 10 lb ones.
  8.       We’ve been holding a plank for more than 2 minutes.
  7.       I’m visualizing my ex- (husband, boyfriend, etc) while hitting the bag.
 6.       It’s 7:15 a.m. and we STILL haven’t had a water break.
 5.       I feel like I’m going to puke.
 4.       Ryan has blown that stupid whistle for about the 56^th time.
 3.       My (fill in the blank with just about any body part) HURTS!
  2.       Burpees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the Number One Reason...
         1.    Creed J

And the Greatest of These is Love

In honor of the Valentine's Day holiday earlier this week Ryan challenged his members to "write a love letter"  to NLXF telling the world in six sentences or less what they love best about the program.  Grand prize was a month of free tanning.
 
The resulting entries, all posted on Facebook, were fun to read.  And as someone who also crafted a submission, it was fun to write.  But what was probably most significant from my perspective is that people participated....LOTS of people, as writers, readers and of course, comment writers.

As I read each and every post I could only be struck by the reoccurring themes that began to emerge.  Most made mention of particular exercises that really pushed them to their physical and mental limits.  While it is true that "the burpee" was mentioned most (see my previous post for more details on this most dreaded of exercises), pushups, lunges, high knees, planks, butt kicks and squats also received "honorable mentions."  But always, always, the letter would go on to explain how much the writer LOVED their NLXF experience. They cited the confidence they had gained, the self-esteem that had increased,the personal pride they took in their improvement, and the sense of "family" that had grown among all of the participants.

How is it that a program that brings so many of us to our knees both physically and emotionally can generate so much love and respect among its membership?

My opinion...Ryan and his staff are Master Motivators.  Let me explain.

In his best selling book Drive, author Daniel Pink explores what it takes to motivate persons in the 21st century.  In an effort to avoid a lengthy book review or academic diatribe let me try to summarize his premise as simply as possible:

Fun (the desire to stay involved) happens when effort (what I have to put into  it) and enjoyment (what I'm getting out of it) are fairly equal.  In other words, most people don't mind putting in effort as long as they can find something to like, both long and short term, within that effort.

I'm sure that each of you reading this blog can come up with an example of this in your own life; an illustration of a time when even though something was hard or difficult, you persisted because it was...well...FUN.  There was enjoyment in the process.  This doesn't mean it wasn't hard or uncomfortable.  What it means is that you found something to like within and/or as a result of the effort. 

An example I can give from my own NLXF work would be the Friday Kickboxing Gauntlet.  It's hard; you move constantly; the routines really make you push yourself mentally and physically.  We are coached to hit each bag, each time, as hard and with as much full body power as we can.  And we do!  And part of the reason we do is that it is FUN.  I feel effort and enjoyment are pretty much balanced during Friday Gauntlet.  We all let our inner beast emerge.  None of us are motivated by the "prize"  offered weekly...the month of free tanning.  We are motivated by the pleasure we get from giving it 110%

This "formula" may also explain why I hate burpees as much as Jake Lewis loves them.  I struggle with burpees...they are hard.  Despite what Ryan thinks I'm putting in a boat load of effort but alas, I'm reaping little enjoyment.  Jake on the other hand, puts in 110% worth of effort and loves the way burpees make him move his body and challenge his strength.  I aspire to be Jake Lewis...I am motivated to find the fun factor in burpees (but probably not next week)!

In addition, Pink believes that motivation, the desire to find enjoyment through effort, is contingent on three factors:  Autonomy, Mastery and Purpose, and that Master Motivators bring these factors into the work place with them.  Pink calls this Type I behavior.  Simply put, Ryan doesn't try to "control" us; (except of course, when he's blowing that damn whistle).  Instead he does everything he can to awaken a sense of ownership within us.  We get meaningful feedback, we are given choices, and we are encouraged to take on a bit more each and every time we enter the gym.  Ryan helps us discover the fun of taking responsibility for our workouts.  Ryan is a Type I Motivator.

Secondly, he keeps us engaged because he helps us discover that with effort we can improve.  Our improvement, which can be measured by reps, inches or pounds lost, or positive self-attitude gained, feeds into our enjoyment.  Our effort has paid off, therefore I want to do more.  How else to explain why so many of us are signing up for another 10 week session.  Mastery is painful:  Ryan and company help us discover the enjoyment that can come from pursuing it.

Thirdly, is purpose.  And this is where I feel the spirit that is NLXF plays a key role.  And sorry Ryan, while you get most of the credit here, you can't have all of it.  We, your members, contribute significantly to this as well.

Highly motivated people and master motivators connect their desires to a cause larger than themselves.  And while it is true that all of us at NLXF are working to improve ourselves, we don't do so at the expense of others; we do so in collaboration with others.  This is why I think there is such a  strong sense of "family membership" among the NLXF

In closing, I'd like to share a line from Lisa R's NLXF love letter that I feel best summarizes the unique Type I atmosphere instructors and participants have generated:

We love you NLXF for bringing people  together...one burpee at a time!

End note:
Every effort was made to authentically and accurately summarize and present the work of Daniel H. Pink. 

Second End note:  Ryan sent me a dozen long stemmed roses (yes, they still had the thorns on them) for Valentine's Day.   Not sure how that factors into Type I motivation behavior but I  will say I've been smiling ear to ear ever since!

BURPEES

I really thought that perhaps I could go a few more weeks without having to blog about this most dreaded of exercises.  However, the recent appearance of “pyramid” Burpees in my NLXF class warrants some discussion (not to mention ranting and raging) about The Burpee.

Frankly, I think any and all discussion about The Burpee can be summarized in two short words:

BURPEES SUCK.

But that would be too short for a proper blog.  So here we go.

Prior to my enrollment in NLXF I was a Burpee Virgin.  Somehow, I had managed to live more than 50 years in pure ignorance of their existence.  I sure as hell had never done one.  And I’m pretty sure I could have happily lived another 50 years blissfully unaware of them.

Sadly, all of that changed in October 2011.   I distinctly remember the exact moment Burpees entered my life.  It was week three of my first NLXF session.  Ryan announced near the end of a Thursday class that we would do Burpees.  And by the way, he doesn’t just say the word Burpees…he ROARS the word Burpees, making the U-R sound resonate like the engine of a small aircraft taking flight.  Then he demonstrated one.   You can imagine the look of shock on my face as I watched this exercise unfold before me.  I looked around.  Surely this was some kind of cruel hoax and in a minute everyone would start to laugh and tell Ryan that was a pretty good trick.  But no one did.  Everyone just started flopping to the floor and then pushing themselves up to a jump, repeating the entire process over and over again. 

So I jumped in, too.  I had no problem hitting the floor; that was the easy part.  It was the getting back up just using my arms and toes and then leaping up again that created all the problems.  By the time I was done my knees were bruised, my arms hurt and I HATED Ryan; I didn’t talk to him for two days.

What are they, you may ask?  Well first, a bit of history.  The exercise was named in the 1930s for American physiologist Royal H. Burpee who developed the Burpee Exercise as part of his PhD thesis as a “quick and simple way to assess agility, coordination and strength.”  Royal’s “invention” required simply that the exerciser move a “large load over a long distance in a short amount of time.”

A CURSE ON YOU AND ALL YOUR OFFSPRING DR. BURPEE!

Of course the true irony is that Dr. Burpee's research didn’t remain obscure like 90% of that carried on by most academicians annually, my own included. The US military LOVED The Burpee and immediately adopted it as a way to assess the fitness level of recruits during WWII. And then sports teams adopted it as well.  I don’t care if the Navy Seals and the Green Bay Packers do them; I Hate Burpees (although I LOVE watching Clay Matthews [insert big swoon and sigh] do them before a game J).

For the unenlightened, a Burpee is pretty much the most work you can do just using your body for resistance.  It begins from a standing position. From there you simply prepare to die. 

You move to a squat and then fling your full body weight all the way to the floor by way of a single quick plyometric move in order to assume a plank position.  From there, in yet another one quick plyometric motion I might add, you return  momentarily to the squat position and from there you “jump up” in order to move your entire body weight off the ground before landing in an upright standing position, eager to begin this sequence from hell once again.

A PLYOMETRIC MOVE!  Just bite me!

I can do the start from a standing positon but from that point on, the entire process becomes a cluster of painful disasters.  Trust me, the only quick motion I’m good at is inserting and withdrawing my Visa card into the ATM machine.  And of course it doesn’t help my process at all to have Ryan hovering over me from start to finish yelling “get lower,” “faster”, or “jump higher.”

Burpees continue to haunt me at NLXF since my first encounter with them four months ago.  I continue to hate them and every single permutation of them that Ryan brings to the NLXF workouts including but not limited to:  the Squatting Burpee, the “Burpee Pushup,” the “Baby” Burpee, the Burpee in our kickboxing gloves while our partner “works the bag,” and my most recent nemesis, the Pyramid Burpee.  I am HIGHLY ANNOYED that Burpees are infiltrating additional workout days.  It used to be that Thursdays were Burpee days.  Not anymore…we do them on Tuesdays…we’ve done them on Wednesdays.  Is nothing sacred anymore!

Sadly, a recent internet search reveals that there are NUMEROUS variations on The Burpee including these sick and disgusting permutations:

The Jump-over Burpee:  The athlete jumps over an obstacle between burpees.

The One-Armed Burpee: The athlete uses only one arm for the whole exercise.

The Parkour Burpee: Following one burpee on the ground, the athlete jumps upon a table and performs the second burpee on the table, then jumps back to the initial position. (I’m sorry, but clearly alcohol consumption must be a factor with this one!)

And finally, the Chirpee Burpee: Combine a pull-up from a bar extended from the ceiling with the jump.

Please God, don't let there be tables and chin up bars at the gym this week!