I don't know about anyone else reading this post but last week Thursday, during the 6:30 a.m. workout, I'm pretty sure I had a near death experience. In terms of an overall, in your face, kick your ass workout, it was the hardest day of work I've yet to face at NLXF and trust me, when it comes to Ryan and NLXF, I've faced some pretty nasty stuff. I thought I was going to die...literally. My heart was pounding, my body was producing enough sweat to sustain a school of fish; every muscle ached because every muscle was being used. To full capacity. For the entire 60 minutes. I know I had an out of body experience at least once during that workout; I distinctly remember being able to "look down" at myself from somewhere high above, and you know what, it didn't look any better from up there than it was feeling down here.
When I got home I threw up. Not so unusual for me. But then, I cried. Hard. For at least 15 minutes. And that IS unusual for me. And because Ryan's workout made me cry, I did what any woman stretched to her physical and emotional limits would do. I hosted my very own pity party complete with Chardonnay and Chocolate. (Don't be alarmed, I did wait until AFTER the work day ended).
But the thing about parties is that they do eventually end. So when this one was over I took time to reflect on just what had happened during Thursday's session that left me so emotionally unglued.
And I came to this conclusion. I didn't cry because I vomited; I didn't cry because my body ached. I cried because I had allowed the workout to wear me down MENTALLY. I let Ryan get into my head!
I typically get to the gym a good 10 minutes before my class starts. I use the time to get out of the multiple layers of winter clothing one needs to wear before sunrise in Iowa in January, change from boots to shoes, and grab my gear. And once all of that is done, I watch the last segments of the 5:30 a.m. class.
As I watched the final 5 minutes of the 5:30 class last Thursday I became frozen to the floor in horrific awe at what was unfolding before me. By the time the 5:30 a.m. class got to its 3rd set of burpees my throat had gone dry; by the 5th set my hands were sweating; by the 8th set I had broken into a cold sweat; by their 10th (and praise God final set of burpees) I was having a full fledged panic attack.
Before I had even set foot into the gym I had allowed that day's workout to intimidate me. Even before I took my first stretch, pulsed my first squat, walked my first push up or burned my first ab I had marked myself as a doomed woman. And because in my mind I saw myself as unable to do the workout my body could only respond in the same way.
Thursdays, more than any other day of the week, have taught me that I'm not only exercising my body, but that I'm also exercising my mind. And anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. Yes, the workouts require that I physically respond to the directives and challenges Ryan and company design. But more importantly, the workouts demand that I also respond to them mentally. In much the same way that I am working to improve my physical strength, stamina and flexibility, the workouts are nurturing this same development within me mentally. They demand that I expand my range of mental strength; the duration of my ability to remain concentrated and focused; they push my mental alertness. In short, they require that I believe in myself.
Last Thursday provided the reminder I needed that the workouts I'm doing at NLXF don't start when Ryan barks "Spread out and face the front." They start before I even get to the gym. And like everything else we do at NLXF, that takes practice as well.
And that has been my goal ever since. I am working hard to get my head into the workout along with my body. I still get to the gym 10 minutes early, but you may have noticed I don't watch through the windows so much any more. I try to turn my back and focus on mentally getting myself ready to work rather than watching the work of others. I've decided I'd rather by shocked and awed than scared and intimidated.
And so far, I think it's working!
And Ryan is exactly where he should be...in the gym, pushing me hard, and cheering me on!
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